Steps

The past two months have blown by from Thanksgiving to now past Christmas, God Reigns. I'm quickly reminded through these past few months of being extended far past what I thought I had the capacity to give. God has taught me drastically that We make our plans, but HE determines our steps. With Drew traveling so much over the past few months, I've completely hit my threshold of what I can withstand as a 'single' mom. I'm not meant to do this alone. My sweet husband is working hard and making so much possible for our family and yet, life has been extremely challenging for me at home. The girls have been absolutely awesome with Drew gone as much as he is, but it is still beyond stretching for me (and Drew) personally.

I cannot believe that my precious husband is going to be 39 tomorrow. I can't believe he's stuck in sweet Oklahoma City and not at home for it. I know he's struggling with the fact just as much as we are here at home that he's not going to be celebrating it with us this year. This Christmas has not looked anything quite like we had imagine. With me being sick, Drew and I took a trip to the ER to get some IV fluids to replenish my dehydration. Which in turn, made for a stinky 12th anniversary with me feeling pretty miserable, weak and completely not with it. Now finally, the day he leaves for a three day trip (one of those days being his birthday) do I feel a huge bit of relief and sense of normalcy. I'm feeling recouped and more less like a zombie and more like myself. What a mixed blessing!

All I know is that I miss my sweet hubby and am learning just how often we 'make our plans' but yet God truly and ulitmately determines our steps (even when it looks nothing like we had ever imagined). Our God is Faithful and Powerful. As I pray through Jeremiah, I'm praying that my heart understands that fully and that I don't lean towards the 'stubborness of [my] own heart'.

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